We've been 10 years getting here, but at the same time I've been here all along.
We had a two-hour appointment this morning, and at the end we got the official word: Jeffrey has Autism. That fact will go in his chart and be shared with his school and whoever needs to know going forward.
It's official. For Terry, that was validation he needed. And I'm happy that he got that. For Jeffrey, it was just something we said was happening. After the appointment, I had to explain that it was over, and the diagnosis had happened. He just wasn't sure when that moment would be. It came and went and he didn't realize.
For me, it's just another check mark on the list of adjusting the world to meet Jeffrey where he is. It just gives it an official vibe now.
Jeffrey's place in the world has been unique since his birth. He was our fussiest baby. Refused a bottle or pacifier, had to be put to sleep in certain clothing, with certain blankets and in very specific positions (where the other three were sleep where they fell kids even as babies and could be moved and adjusted much more than Jeff). He was our velcro baby, so I finally broke down and got a carrier and improved quality of life for both of us tremendously.
Accommodations were our way of life before I started using the word - but the word came into play at age 3, when we had testing through early intervention. That's when the idea of an Autism diagnosis was introduced. We were told we would have to circle back later for a more official stance on it. In the meantime, we worked on his communication skills and he ended up in a special pre-school class to address the disconnect between where he was and where he should be at 3.
Once he saw other kids his age and heard them speaking, he broke through the wall. I firmly believe he thought he had to use complete sentences and since his brain couldn't put together complex thoughts at that age, he just wasn't going to use words. But once we realized he could use one word, a few or a string rather than a full sentence, he ran with it.
Today, he got complimented for his complex vocabulary, his "steel trap" memory and his ability to share the knowledge he carries. He was recognized for his ability to interact and socialize, be empathetic and cooperative.
None of that changes the fact he's facing this world from a different platform, per se. Or that if measured with the typical or "normal" yardstick, things aren't going to add up. As our mantra is in this house, "Normal is overrated" and no one needs Jeffrey to live up to "normal." Instead, we try to create a normal for him that he can navigate, without being treated differently or looked down on.
I've learned a lot about myself as a parent. Not least is the fact that the autism at least partially tracks down through me. I sat down one day and realized that there are clear Autism signs going back three generations. And life really cleared up for me in ways I didn't realize I needed until that moment.
I have learned that "off" feeling I've had all my life had a very strong reason. I learned that a lot of the strange things about me that were either dismissed, suppressed or explained away have one very real connection - and that is a base in Autism.
So for Jeffrey - and for his siblings - adjusting, accommodating and finding the smoothest path forward was just the way it was going to be. And that won't change after today. It's just been reinforced.
His pediatrician has been supportive the entire time. Now we just have additional backup for helping to give him the best support to navigate a world that has different default settings than he needs.
